Suffering from Mathness and Percentile Dysfunction

Math is like my arch nemesis. I am Batman, and math is my Joker, and Poison Ivy… and Riddler. (hehe)

 Except now I have to walk though Arkham Asylum and they’re asking me to SOLVE their problems.

 Mental Abuse To Humans: specifically ME

I was actually kicked out of a math class for having a ‘bad attitude’ Well I’m sorry, but it’s VERY difficult to have a good attitude toward something that makes me feel like you’re worth less than old gum on your shoe… or other things that are often stepped in....

 Or something that looks like {Ƥ¾°¥Ħƣƛƾ ǂ ʨʣ ϡ. This isn’t me being sarcastic or snide. The truth is when I get frustrated I can no longer see numbers in the order they’re given. I’ve always associated my ability to understand math with how alphabet soup looks, but you have to answer it. My teachers have had a problem accepting this. Several have told me I must be really stupid, because after showing me how to do a problem 10-15 times, I still don’t get it. Well, every time I see it, it changes on me again. I have learned when I get frustrated, I start speaking other languages… something I can do! (even now I’m singing in German)

Every once in a while I will think I understand something... and then this happens.

Great... I'm an idiot.

I wasn’t even good at math before they started adding letters and random symbols… now I really feel like a bloody idiot.

I’m not alone in this, I know there are a lot of people out there who have this issue, but I’m pretty sure I inherited it from my maternal side. My father is very smart. I remember as a child he ‘helped’ me in about second grade. It was division, and he showed me over and over and over… and over again how to put numbers into whatever was in the symbol… and I could NOT figure it out. Eventually he got fed up with my inability and told me I should be able to get something so simple. But it wasn’t simple to me, and it still isn’t. I still have to constantly be told how to preform simple operations. And even if someone is patient enough with me and ask me if I understand:

I’m a pretty tough person, I can handle a lot emotionally, but Math is one thing that can leave me in tears. I have actually left the Math lab (at college) crying because I felt so worthless.

I try to look at everything with humor, and I am always making jokes, but it’s not always to see something so difficult in a positive way.

 My positive spin on this is, if I do it, and finish it I will get to go to Korea! It’s enough to keep me strong and to keep going. Because there is NO intrinsic reward when I complete a paper, or a problem. I never feel proud, just content to be done with one more problem, one more section. When people tell me math is fun, I think they’re mental. I find no enjoyment  in something that makes me feel so useless. I am so happy I will never be able to pass this issue on to anyone else. To all those with this problem: Stay strong! You can do it! You’re not alone, oh and you’re smarter than me, at math anyway.

I think I need this shirt

We all need to remember there are things we're really

good at, and for me, it's just NOT math.

Aber, ich kann anderes sprache sprechen. Ich bin sehr schlau und glücklich mit dass. Ich dumm nicht!