Robin Williams: Goodbye to my childhood inspiration

Written on 8.11.2014
Revised/ Edited 8.19.2014

Today I was shocked to hear of the passing of Robin Williams. I was standing in line at the airport when my friend called to tell me.
It seems strange how the impact of said news hit me riding on the shock wave of some other personal news that hit me like thousand pound ball to the chest.  A double whammy if ever there was one. 

Right to the chest man~

I guess it's better than balls to the face

 

Yeah, I don't wanna hear it. I had to Google this!

I grew up watching Robin Williams. I imitated him trying to sound like many of his characters. I remembered his stand up material, and would recite it. He was ever present in my childhood.  I'm sure at some point my mother would have appreciated me shutting up and quit saying "10,000 years, can give you SUCH A CRICK in the NECK!" And then reenacting the scene from Dead Poets where I stood on my desk and got kicked out of class...  oh crap she still doesn't know about that.

 I really am giving too much away about my age in this demonstration. 
When I say he was ever present in my childhood it is no exaggeration. 
We were poor... okay very poor. We had a lot of gifts donated to us because, well we were poor. One year I got Jumanji, the movie and the board game. Imagine my disappointment when no rhinos visited me that night.

  

The Genie was probably my favorite because there were SO many different voices, and "Nanu nanu" was getting old. As I got older his more serious roles were my favorites. Keating taught me that words had power, something I make use of to this day. Cronauer made me want to be in radio ~ Something I grew up being told I would be great at.  However the same reason I could be great at radio is why I never went military. My mouth would have said something and by the time my brain realized what it was... I'd be on KP.. permanently.

 
My friend that I was visiting in LA had taken me to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I jumped up and down with excitement at seeing his star. 

This morning we had been discussing Dead Poet's Society.
It was a movie that impacted me and deepened love of poetry when I was young and impressionable. 




I was already such a nerd, carrying around a Shakespeare book and reading Whitman... in Jr. High!
However it was a long time before the idea of seizing the day ever meant anything to me. I didn't have anything to seize where I came from, but leaving and trying to do better, was never a wasted venture. 
Thank you for telling me to take that chance Mr. Keating.

 When asked what my favorite movie is, I tell everyone What Dreams May Come. 
The imagery used in the film is nothing short of breathtaking 

YES, I liked this movie!

Mental Fantasy inducing imagery

This is Heaven, or at least its where I want to go when I die.

His ability to give his characters heart and be engaging was to me an amazing thing.
He had this way of pulling you in and giving depth to his characters. I know a lot of people didn't like Bicentennial Man, but bite me! One of the greatest combos was him and Sam Neil.

When George Carlin died, I was heartbroken. 
I actually cried, which is quite unlike me

(note: I’ve cried several times about this). 
**edit this surprised many people.
 YES I REALLY CAN CRY!
 ... I just don't want to rust.

However as much as I admired Carlin's brilliance and intelligence, it was Robin Williams I always impersonated.

Either his Genie from Aladdin or Adrian from Good Morning Vietnam.

This is why I don't wake up before 10:00

 

Yes he made me want to be a radio jockey too, and guess what, I am. (kinda)

I had much of his stand up material memorized, (before my brain was filled with education) his impact on me was huge. 

There is a reason I am good at Radio Theater. Because Robin Williams gave me someone to emulate.


Many people are saying: "Your free now,"  however I wish they wouldn't. 

If anything else comes from this, I want it to be this: Please don't suffer alone. Please let someone know that you are NOT okay.  Don't keep it in the shadows don't keep making jokes to mask that dark place. 
 Cracked.com made a very good point here, about the dark places many of these people go to or come from.
When a friend of mine finished reading this the first time (before I edited it) she said that she was surprised I didn't write more. 
Well, I think the was due to

Thank you again for sharing this Becky.

reverberation  that was still making waves in my body while I first posted this.  The first draft was written on the plane as I flew back from LA. I wrote while experiencing the immediate effect, and left out the deeper implications. 
According to my friends I'm rather amusing. I got a decent little radio show and I am often told I'm really pretty funny, definitely not boring. However, I often use it to mask my anxiety, and sometimes ... fear. 
I have been to a dark enough place before, that I felt a permanent solution was the correct way to handle my temporary situation.
 I was WRONG!
Being in a dark and lonely place is a miserable way to be, especially when you feel abandoned. And no, a bar is not a substitute for comfort. 

Do I still get anxiety?  Sure. 
What is different now? Well, I have a lot more to look forward to, and somethings... just keep me going (Yes, my friend's and Korea) I know that should anything happen to me, it would not impact only me, but those that I love so dearly, and those that rely on me. Sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don't forget you are NEVER as alone as you think you are.
If you are getting to that point please reach out to the Suicide prevention lifeline

There is now one more amazing person whose impact will now only be in memory.   It breaks my heart to know he will be no more.