I’m just bein’ honest here~

Ya know… It’s been a bit of a rough ride this last …. Life. But finishing school was a journey I didn’t expect. After I got back from Seoul I had the great fortune of experiencing what is called reverse culture shock, and it was BAD. The funny thing about my going to Seoul, I never really suffered culture shock- Maybe I wasn’t allowed to the first time, HS had me going going going, and I LOVED every minute of it.

 The 2^nd time (I can’t believe I get to say, the 2^nd time) I went to Korea I had medical issues that… blew up, so no time to wallow in self pity when you have the great chance to publicly embarrass yourself internationally! But overall, I enjoyed most of it. I liked MOST of my teachers (I’m bein’ honest here) and I got a lot of exercise on the stairs on the subway stairs.

               When I got back home, bad food habits, and toxic experiences made Kodee a sad human. 

I did NOT know how to deal with life for a while (even now my sentence is a complete disassociation

with the events- still bein’ honest). I disconnected from so many things. Not much writing. I learned I can do the BEST human slug impression!
The reverse culture shock was rough. I felt better after talking with a friend of mine who’d just returned from Japan, and was experiencing it too. We talked about it in our class, but since I never had culture shock, I guess I should have expected the reverse to be twice as bad?
My anxieties began to manifest themselves in unhealthy ways, and I learned I really need to STOP looking at the news and political posts, because- well apparently, I’m a little passionate about things sometimes…I….i...

I need to be honest with myself too here.

Things got rough, I retook a class TWICE! It was … let’s just say I know a lot about research methodology now. I’m grateful to my Quizzy who’d listen to me whine, and back me up. I’m so thankful that she let me drive her crazy with my constant need for “Tell me I’m not crazy.”

We both knew I be cray cray, but she’s a good friend and held my hand when I needed a grown up… but she’s younger... so I’m not sure HOW that works... maybe like time/space continuums- Doctor Who reference.

I did eventually make it out the other side. For once that light at the end of the tunnel was NOT an oncoming train. I took TESOL classes and got certified.

 The process I was told could be done over a week-end took me 3 months, 

but I finished it on Christmas Day
 (yeah, I spoil myself).

 So, I did that and graduated college- still waiting for my diploma in the mail- I didn’t go to commencement. I know that’s supposed to be like some big thing, but I felt like… I just wanted to be done. I don’t like mornings anyway, and I didn’t wanna pay for the … yadda yadda yadda- I had a million reasons I didn’t want to go up to the college, and honestly, I don’t regret it. I also haven’t wanted/liked pictures of myself lately, I’ve felt so uncomfortable in my own skin, and maybe that’s finally shedding some, but I really feel like I’ve ignored myself for so long I have to fix my chipping nails, my break outs, the fact I’m beginning to look a lot like a prime Barnum & Baily’s employee

I'm not 100% lazy in the post graduate haze. I have a couple jobs, respite care provider and DJ, I’ve been working both jobs for over 5 years, and I genuinely love my jobs. Somedays more than others, but I enjoy my jobs. I’ve had some down time to re-up, and just enough time to let me go stir crazy. It’s looking like I’ll have some more opportunities to save up and eventually apply to teach in South Korea. GOALS! <3

Would this be a good time to throw in weight management?? Nah… I'll start that tomorrow~

Edit: Maybe

Maybe I should write,

Maybe if I write about what’s on my mind I can sleep

Maybe if I write about it, it will stop bothering me and I can sleep

 Maybe if I sleep I can stay asleep for more than a few hours.

Maybe if I sleep I can wake up in a good mood

Maybe if I’m in a good mood I can get more work done

Maybe if I get more work done I’ll feel like I accomplished something.

Maybe if I feel like I accomplished something I’ll feel better

Maybe if I feel better I’ll actually start writing again…

…because we all have those days.