System overload Melt down eminent

Have you ever looked back and realized that you just tried to do too much at once. Yeah. That is a good way to describe my experience. I just tried to do too much.  I was working more hours per week than normal, taking on extra jobs to help save and pay for the study abroad stuff I needed (paperwork, clothes, year supply of deodorant). It also didn’t help that I was trying to take all online courses in order to continue working one of the jobs I had just procured. 
That was it's own battle.  I like my TESOL classes. I enjoy them. However when I said that I wasn’t going to take 2 at once again (because of the heavy workload) it really didn’t mean that I should take three!!!

 

What’s worse is, although I did all that work to get online classes to stay with a job, it still didn’t work out. I was told (behind closed doors) that I was ‘edged out’ and that it was really unfair.  

 Especially since I had worked so hard to accommodate the situation. After everything I was relieved because of my heavy workload…but at the time it was just backstabby and underhanded.

 Everyone began asking “Where are you?” “Why don’t I see you?” “You need to relax.”  And “Why do you have so much homework?” 

I really wish I would have had my classes on ground with my teachers. I was miserable spending 8 + hours 5 and 6 days a week doing nothing but homework. Some days I would luck out and only spend 5 hours a day doing homework. 5 hour days aren’t so bad, but they suck if I already had a 13 hour day, 4 hours spent on the road.

My saving grace in all this was I had AWESOME teachers. However I am pretty sure they’re beginning to think I am an idiot and I can’t blame them. I’m horrible with terminology, and a great chunk of our English grammar book was terminology focused. If we were forced to learn English the way the book described it we wouldn’t know how to communicate. 

What I didn't mention is in between all this my husband lost his job. My mom lost her job. The money I had saved and set aside for my study abroad slowly disappeared. Although I was now working more than normal and bringing in more money, nothing was being saved and very little was getting put aside (I did try, boy did I try). I was trying to process the feeling of my father going through his cancer treatments and the impacts of that and a tragic accident struck my heart harder than I could have expected.

Now that I have finished I am stressing, and rightfully, about my grades. ** Today I the mail I got a letter stating I am on academic probation ** 
The heavy workload I mentioned, was too much for me and I over stressed/crammed and spent ten hour days with my head in a book trying to memorize the rules of adverb conjunction adverb conjunction and remember what an auxiliary modifier was. Linguistics was fun and as I am a dork I loved learning about the history of the English language and its origins, what was more fun was that during my research I came upon someone who makes Shakespeare sexy.

Ben Crystal: I mean.. .WoW..

One class was based entirely around the study abroad experience. My only contention was that none of the information was new to me.  I already knew everything they discussed because of my research and prior visit to Korea. I went to an additional meeting hoping to learn something new, no luck. I think I over studied what I needed to know. It was nice to have a class with a friend though. I’ve got most of the necessary paperwork handled and a couple days ago I got my official letter of admission. 


During the stress of the quarter the Gilman scholarship was bestowed on me.

 I was so excited. However it presented a small problem. 
When I applied for the scholarship it was for a year at Korea University. Between the time I applied and the time I received the scholarship things had gotten so bad financially and I had changed my application to a single semester. 

Once I received the scholarship I knew I could make the academic year work, I reconsidered my options took ….out …loans…

 because I didn’t want to give this up

Well… I’ve come too far to stop now.

 

Well… I will be applying for Yonsei in the spring. Therefore I will get to go to two of the three top schools in South Korea! I will discuss this more in another post along with packing, what is needed etc.

I am looking to go to these 2 schools

One of the most difficult things (emotionally) that I dealt with over this quarter was actually the emotions that I went through after a tragedy that happened to a friend of mine. It brought back a lot of emotions that for the most part I had let go of. I discussed bits and pieces of it another blog and it is something that I have dealt with, however certain tragedies such as this can often cause such emotions to reemerge.

I am NOT going to go into the details of their tragedy, because that is not my place. However the effect on me was a lot greater than I could have foreseen and I must admit that I was quite disheartened when somebody that I thought was such a good friend basically told me that I couldn't talk to them about how much pain I was in because they didn't want to imagine having that pain themselves. It really put things into perspective for me. Now through these Loki gifs I shall attempt to get my emotions out. 

Class has been out for less than a week, and I have had very little time to myself. It hasn't helped that my hand has since been crushed by a ladder and I am unable to do pretty much anything... 

Hopefully it isn't broken, but I have 1 more week before I will know.  So far the most annoying thing has been trying to do everything with one hand while the people I live with stand there and watch me struggle. 

Once again I got more bad news (husband lost his job) .. and more bad news (academic probation)...  After everything I have done and worked for, all I can think is...

     and

However... I will see what I can do to make this work see if I can make some good come of this... SOMEHOW. Maybe there is something good... somewhere.