Bad driving and strip searches.

*Warning Lots of Cussing* 

but it's funny and worth it

Are you an asshole?  Do you like to drive?  

Do you like to drive like an asshole? 

Well I’m going to beg you.  For the love of monkies, PLEASE stop driving like an asshole. 

Now, if you’re not an asshole… 

are you still driving like one?

I’ve been driving a lot more lately, and I realized why I preferred not leaving my bed.   

I’ve never really been a road ragey kinda person. Not until I was blessed with an updated car without my custom Mp3 player hitch. I’m now subjected to static filled sets of the same 20 songs in rotation on the 4 local stations.

We will now play Led Zeppelin for the 3rd time in 2 hours

 Oh and sometimes my radio won’t turn up or down, or when it try to turn it down it blares in a speaker before refusing to turn down. Off goes the radio… and I get to listen to wind through the gaps of my vehicle. 

 As my friend and I were headed to Sea-Tac a while ago we found ourselves behind someone we’re pretty sure was drunk. Did we jump his truck and give him a Breathalyzer? No. How could we tell? 
Well, he was all over the road

Maybe he was just playing connect the dots

He would speed up and slow down randomly and then continue to go line to line.
We finally gave in and called the police. It was 3:00am. There were very few cars on the road, but this person drove for many miles in this manner.  We were scared. 
We got to talking about how people drive around here, and for the most part people are pretty decent. However, we see a lot of people who don’t seem to know how to use their blinkers

Use your blinker, Use your mirrors...idiot

Two Laners: Those people who can’t pick a lane so they drive over the top of the yellow line. Do you not know what that line is for?! 

Yeah, sure! Bring size into the equation

The *BEEB* move: Some main roads will have just 2 lanes. Anything over 2 lane road and this one isn’t such a big problem.

When you’re behind someone (for many miles) that is going 5-10 under the speed limit and you have to wait to pass them until the oncoming traffic is clear. They refuse to go the speed limit, but as soon as you attempt to pass them via the left lane, they suddenly remember they have an accelerator.  I’ve actually had people continue to speed up WHILE a car was coming toward me whilst trying to pass them.

Okay Yellow, this is not the time to try to race the guy in the left lane

  Do you know how to NOT be a *BEEB* in this situation?!

       
        1. Realize you are not keeping people in line, you are holding people up.

        2. SLOW DOWN. Why not let the guy who wants to go the speed limit pass?! You’re going slow already anyway. You don’t have to be an ass about it. 

Today on my way home I had someone who was determined to get in front of my car before the 2 lane turned to one, however, we were driving up hill and there was already someone in front of me. 

He eventually saw it my way.

My biggest issue is dealing with right lane/left lane etiquette, and lane blocking.

I still want this for my car~

The left lane is for passing, right lane for ... going the speed limit.So I'm a bit of a speed demon. I just like to go fast. I do however stay in the right lane as much as possible, especially if I am going the speed limit. If I need to pass, it's in the left lane, however when someone is blocking I get..,

... Irritated  If you are going the same speed as the car directly next to you, you are in the wrong lane. Simple as that. Also, that's a safety issue. Don't drive right next to someone, what if their tire blows out. 
This *beeb* move keeps people from passing, which increases road rage, and when it comes to road rage, just say no.

Once again Yellow, you're such a jerk~

This just doesn’t work. C’mon people please relax a bit, use your 
**Beep**BEEP** Blinker! Find some good tunes, take turns, let people pass, let people in, LET PEOPLE OUT! 

"Let's go on a trip" I should have said "No".

I ended up in CANADA because someone wouldn’t let me out. This is not a joke! When I first moved to the area some friends and I decided to go up to Canada, however we were turned away (no passports).  We found a hotel for the night and we realized we were hungry.
 

"Where are we?" "No clue." < Actual conversation

I’d never been to  Blaine Washington before, I didn’t know there wasn’t a grocery store. 
I also had no cell phone or sat nav to tell me where to go. 
I got trapped in a ‘shipping lane’ and no one would let me out.  

 When we got to the border they took one look at my faded car, my all black clothing 
**It’s how I dressed back then**

and requested us to pull over.


I told them that I’d gotten lost, stuck in the lane, and that no one would let me out.

They asked if I had been asked to do this. I told them no.

Can you sound like a dying giraffe?

They asked for our ID’s my friend and mine. We handed it over. 
 They were surprised he was military, maybe they though the goth sailor was gonna start a coup. 
 I wonder if he knew how to sound like a dying giraffe.

 And then they asked if we had been told to do this. I replied in the negative.

They asked to search the car.  I said sure; I had nothing to hide, there was nothing in my car. 
They tore my car apart

They inquired if we had been directed across the border for some reason.
I explained I was just lost.

They then made us take our socks and shoes off, pull our pockets out, unzip our pants, I was told to undo my bra and shake it out after pulling my shirt up.

Then we were asked if we were being forced to drive over to Canada.   
I said I couldn’t get out of the lane and turn around.

The people checking my car said it was clean, not so much as a cigarette butt. I don’t smoke.

After they were done They said I could go.
I asked how to get back to the city.

They replied “Oh are you lost?”

This is what happens when you drive like an asshole. Someone gets strip searched at the border of a county.

 I hope Karma gets you~